One-on-One Intensive
Many people have a pattern in their lives they can't seem to change, no matter how much they understand it or how hard they try. They procrastinate on something that matters, struggle to make decisions, become overwhelmed by overthinking, avoid difficult conversations, or continue putting other people's needs ahead of their own. They know the pattern is holding them back, but they can't seem to break it.
If this sounds familiar, you've probably analyzed the pattern, made promises to yourself, pushed yourself harder, and sworn that next time you'll do something different. You know what you should do, yet when the situation arises again, you find yourself repeating the same unwanted pattern.
The pattern continues because it isn't being driven by a lack of knowledge, discipline, or willpower. Something deeper is keeping it in place.
Get Unstuck is a focused, one-on-one coaching program designed to help you uncover what's driving one persistent pattern, understand why it's been so difficult to change, and create the conditions for it to change. We'll work together over three sessions, giving us time not only to work with what's beneath the pattern, but also to see what changes when you return to your life.
The procrastinator knows the work needs to get done, the people-pleaser knows it's okay to say no, and the perfectionist knows nobody is perfect. Knowing this doesn't change the pattern because it isn't being driven by what they consciously believe. It's being driven by emotional learning created through earlier experiences that now operates automatically.
Maybe mistakes brought criticism, standing up for yourself created conflict, keeping other people happy was the price of acceptance, failure meant something painful about who you were, or being visible made you vulnerable to judgment. You can reject those conclusions intellectually while they continue to control how you feel and behave.
If some part of you learned, If I get this wrong, I'm going to be humiliated, procrastination makes sense. If you learned, If someone is unhappy with me, I could lose their love, people-pleasing makes sense. If you learned, I can't trust myself to make the right choice, chronic indecision makes sense.
The pattern itself is a symptom, not the underlying problem. It's the visible expression of emotional learning operating beneath your conscious awareness. Until that underlying learning changes, trying to change the pattern through willpower, insight, or better habits usually produces only temporary results.
Research into memory reconsolidation changed that understanding. Under the right conditions, when an old emotional learning is activated and the brain encounters something that contradicts what it expects, that learning becomes changeable and can be updated.
This matters because something you learned years ago can still feel true even when you consciously know it isn't. Memory reconsolidation explains how that old learning can change instead of simply being managed, suppressed, or argued with.
You don't need to understand why you do what you do before we meet. That's part of the work we'll do together. You can bring a pattern such as procrastination, indecision, perfectionism, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, imposter feelings, or harsh self-criticism.
We aren't going to try to fix your entire life through this process. We'll choose one pattern that continues to get in your way and give it our full attention.
We'll have a complimentary conversation to identify the pattern you want to work on and determine whether this approach is right for you. If I'm not the right person to help you, I'll tell you.
Our first session will last up to 90 minutes. We'll begin with what happens in your life when the pattern appears. Instead of trying to convince you that your reaction is irrational or telling you what you should do differently, we'll uncover the emotional logic underneath it and what your mind believes it's protecting you from.
We'll explore what feels as though it would happen if you stopped doing what you've always done. What feels dangerous about saying no, being seen, taking the risk, or allowing yourself to make a mistake? The point isn't endless analysis. It's discovering what still feels emotionally true.
We'll work experientially rather than simply talking about the problem. We'll slow down, pay attention to what happens in your body, stay with uncomfortable emotions, and follow the memories or reactions that arise. This reveals the conclusions you formed and why the pattern still makes sense to some part of you.
Once that emotional learning becomes clear, we'll bring it into direct contact with something else that is also true, but that the old learning doesn't expect. Memory reconsolidation calls this a mismatch. We aren't pasting a positive belief over a negative one. The old learning remains active while you experience something that contradicts it.
The old learning might say, "If I speak honestly, I'll be rejected," while you recognize that you can speak for yourself and remain safe, even if someone disapproves. It might say, "I'm helpless," while you experience the strength, choices, and ability to protect yourself that you have now. When both realities are experienced at the same time, the brain has an opportunity to update what it learned.
My role is to guide the process and help you stay with what's actually happening. You'll remain in control. If something becomes overwhelming, we'll slow down, change direction, or stop.
My goal is not only to help you change this particular pattern, but also to help you understand and practice this process for yourself. Throughout our sessions, I'll explain what we're doing, help you recognize the emotional learning beneath your reactions, and show you how to work with it when it appears. Over time, I want you to become less dependent on my guidance and more confident in your ability to meet these patterns with curiosity, understand what is driving them, and create change on your own.
We'll meet again after you've had time to notice how the pattern responds in daily life. This follow-up session will last up to 60 minutes.
We'll look at what has changed, what still carries an emotional charge, and whether other memories or learning are connected to the same pattern. If part of the old reaction remains active, we'll continue working with it rather than assuming that one experience should resolve everything.
Our second follow-up will also last up to 60 minutes. We'll review what has changed, work with anything that remains unresolved, and help you strengthen your ability to recognize and work with these reactions on your own when they arise.
Many people experience a distinct internal shift, often as a felt change in the body. The fear, guilt, shame, or dread that once seemed overwhelming loses its intensity or is no longer there. Something that felt threatening suddenly feels manageable, safe, or simply over.
You may still remember the experiences that contributed to the pattern, but the memories no longer carry the same emotional charge. You know they happened, but your body stops reacting as though they're still happening or about to happen.
You might think about saying no without the same crushing guilt, make a decision without spending the next three days questioning it, begin a project without the familiar dread, speak up without your entire body telling you to shut up, or make a mistake without turning it into a verdict on your worth. You aren't desperately reminding yourself what you're supposed to believe. Something has changed internally, and the old reaction no longer has the authority it once had over you.
I can't promise that every pattern will disappear completely through this process, and anyone who does is promising something they can't guarantee. Some patterns involve several layers of emotional learning and may require more work. What I can promise is that we won't spend our time circling the problem. We'll look for what's actually keeping the pattern alive and work there.
Get Unstuck is for people who are generally functioning well but have a recurring pattern they haven't been able to change. You'll need to be willing to look beneath the behavior and experience some emotion rather than just discussing the problem intellectually.
This is coaching, not psychotherapy, and it isn't appropriate for every situation. If you're dealing with a mental health crisis or need treatment for severe depression, PTSD, an eating disorder, substance dependence, or another clinical condition, you should work with an appropriately licensed mental health professional.
I've spent more than 30 years studying happiness, human behavior, personal growth, and what allows people to change. One question has remained at the center of that work: Why can we understand something for years and still be unable to change it? Memory reconsolidation helps answer that question by explaining why insight isn't always enough and how an old belief can continue to influence us decades later.
The Investment
$1,100
Your Get Unstuck program includes:
100% Money-Back Guarantee
If you complete the three sessions and aren't satisfied with the work we've done, let me know within 21 days of your final session and I'll refund the full $1,100.
Doug has assisted me in dealing with several long-term problems that have been affecting my life for many years. I was able to release some old behaviors and adopt new patterns allowing me to move forward in areas that were formerly a real challenge for me.
Get Unstuck
One pattern. Up to 3-1/2 hours. $1,100.
Begin with a complimentary conversation about the pattern you want to change.
Let's Talk About What's Keeping You StuckA Personal Story
One of my first experiences with memory reconsolidation happened in 2012. I was living alone in a house in the forest outside Vancouver, Washington. I loved being out in the woods and was pretty self-sufficient.
Except at night.
Shortly after the end of a 10-year relationship, I began having terrifying bouts of fear, usually sometime between eight and ten in the evening. Nothing was happening, and there was nothing I could identify that I was afraid of. I would suddenly be overwhelmed by a horrible sense of impending doom. I wondered if I was going crazy.
I had been studying memory reconsolidation and had experienced the process while working on other issues with two therapists, including Bruce Ecker, a pioneer in applying memory reconsolidation to create lasting change. So one evening, instead of trying to escape the fear, I decided to sit down and follow the process on my own.
I stopped being afraid and fighting what I was feeling and became curious about it.
As I stayed with the fear, memories began returning that I hadn't thought about in more than 30 years.
When my sister and I were children, our parents would occasionally leave us home alone while they went to a friend's house or a party. A few times a year, our alcoholic uncle would call while they were gone and threaten us.
My sister would answer the phone, begin sobbing and hand it to me. I would then listen as our uncle threatened to come to the house and kill us.
I was probably about seven when this started, and it continued for several years. We knew he lived only a couple of hours away, so the danger felt completely real. We were terrified he could reach us before our parents came home.
We would panic and call our parents. They reassured us that nothing would happen, but I don't remember them coming home to comfort us or help us feel safe. The calls were never discussed afterward.
Eventually my uncle stopped harassing us, and as I got older, I completely forgot about the incidents.
I hadn't consciously connected those childhood experiences with the fear I was having decades later. But my brain had recognized a familiar pattern: I was alone, it was dark, and nobody was there to protect me.
Part of the process can involve speaking directly to the frightened part of you that still carries the old experience. Instead of trying to silence or reason with that part, you respond to it from the perspective of the adult you are now.
I stayed with the feeling and began talking to the part of me that still felt like that terrified seven-year-old boy. I told him that what had happened should never have happened, that of course he had been frightened, and that he wasn't alone anymore. I was the adult now, and I would never allow anyone to do that to him again.
Then I felt the anger arise. In my imagination, I confronted my uncle and told him exactly what I thought of what he had done. I allowed myself to feel the anger of an adult protecting a frightened child, something I had been incapable of doing when I was seven.
My father had died by this time, so I also confronted him in my mind and allowed myself to feel the sadness and anger of not having been protected.
I didn't try to talk myself out of the fear or convince myself that it was irrational. I stayed with the frightened part of me while bringing something into the experience that hadn't been there originally: a capable adult who could protect him.
Then, in a way that felt almost magical, something shifted.
The fear was replaced by a physical sense of being safe, cared for, and no longer alone. I could still remember the phone calls, but the emotional charge attached to them was gone.
I had given that frightened child a new experience, one that directly contradicted what he had learned years before. He was no longer alone and powerless. The danger was over, and someone was finally there to protect him.
That happened 14 years ago, and the fear has never returned. I've traveled the world, lived alone and found myself in many other unfamiliar situations without ever experiencing it again.
That night became one of the most important experiences of my life. Since then, I've used this process to change numerous other patterns that had kept me stuck, succeeding where insight, determination, and willpower hadn't been enough. It fundamentally changed my understanding of what makes lasting personal change possible.