The Real Problem

Most women come to me thinking the problem is communication, compatibility, or some specific thing their partner keeps doing that drives them crazy.

Those things can be real sources of relationship stress, but they're not the deeper, more pressing issue.

Typically I see women that disappeared a little at a time, in ways that felt reasonable in the moment. They held back what they were really thinking because it wasn't worth the fight. They tell themselves they're being mature, keeping the peace. They smoothed things over so many times they stopped noticing they were doing it.

"I've spent years being really good at not rocking the boat. And now I don't even know what I think anymore."

You don't lose yourself all at once. You just keep making small trades: your honesty for his comfort, your needs for the relationship's stability, your self-respect for the feeling of being connected. There's no shame in any of this. It's just not going to get you what you really want.

The uncomfortable truth is that nobody forced you to act that way. You did it to protect yourself. Maybe the version of yourself that needs to be loved. Figuring out what you were protecting, and whether it's still worth protecting, that's where things can start to change.

If you're not sure how much of this applies to you, the questions below will help you get an honest read.